Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
