hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
