i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
