I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
