idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize