hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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