when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize