I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
