need another drink. this is the easiest way
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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