i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
