Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
