I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
