Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
