My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
