The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
