was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
