Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize