I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
