Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
