Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
