We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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