Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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