Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
