also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
