my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
