So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
