You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
