i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
