my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
