this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
