We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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