I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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