you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
