i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
