we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
