I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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