love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
