Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
