i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
