oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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