I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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