god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
