I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
