my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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