Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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