i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
