So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i love accidental penises.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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