Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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