I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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