Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
