It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
