She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
