$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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