Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
