I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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