I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize