she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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