wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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