Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
