i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
