it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
