It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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