1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
