I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
