If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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