hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
