She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize