You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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