I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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