I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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