i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
