cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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