good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
